50 Tips On Correctly Launching A Boat

[MulletMan]

1. Drive into the launching area as fast as possible
2. Park across the entrance to the ramp
3. Have a good old chat to yer mates
4. Back straight down the ramp – to hell with waiting
5. Stop when the skeg digs chunks out of the cement
6. Get out and raise motor
7. Have numerous attempts at getting the trailer and car straight
8. “Bug*er it” – just use the middle of the two lane ramp
9. Reverse trailer wheels to the waters edge
10. Try to get the boat strap off
11. Drive up the ramp to remedy 10) above
12. Reverse trailer wheels to the waters edge
13. Wait for the call “are the bungs in?”
14. Drive back up the ramp again
15. Find bungs amongst all the leaves, dirt and crap in transom well
16. Fit bungs and reverse down ramp again
17. Wait till yer mates bring all the fishing gear from the car
18. Sort everything out inside the boat – take your time!
19. Get out of boat to release the winch
20. Get back into boat to raise the radio antenna
21. Look for winch handle
22. Get mate to get it out of the boot of the car
23. Release winch and let out cable
24. Wind cable back in again and release safety chain
25. Look for spanner to undo the seized pin in safety chain shackle
26. Find a rope to hold the boat as it hits the water
27. Shout “f*ck you” to everybody else who is waiting their turn
28. Try to push the boat off trailer
29. Get into car and reverse trailer further into the water
30. Drive back up the ramp to remove trailer light board
31. Repeat 28) above – use force to overcome the seized rollers
32. Don’t worry about other boats behind you – get yours in no matter what
33. Stand in water with boat while mate drives car away to parking spot
34. Wait …. wait and wait til he finally gets back
35. Keep blocking the ramp as he gets on board
36. Ask mate to go back to car and get boat key
37. Lower motor
38. Raise motor to release trailer hooks
39. Lower motor till it hits the bottom
40. Raise it until you can see the prop
41. Over-prime motor and attempt start
42. “You f**king @%$#*Q#& mongrel – start you b***tard
43. Connect fuel line to motor
44. Prime some more
45. Ignore clouds of smoke as motor erupts into staggering idle
46. Rev the motor up as much as possible
47. Slip into gear and reverse out
48. Frantically lower motor as propeller thrashes about out of the water
49. Stuff everybody else – you have right off way all the time
50. Give the finger to all the other Boaties as you leave

[longtail]

geez if thats the way you launch a boat , it's a wonder youv'e lived as long as you have

actually #33 is incorrect - leave vehicle parked on the ramp so it makes it easier to retreive the boat



jason

[wayne_cook]

exactly rite

[timbacutta]

You forgot to get the esky out of the car.

[Jono_SS]

PP

I'm hearing loud and clear on that last transmission.

now, I assume you are working on the supplementary document "101 tips to RETRIEVE a boat".

standing by.....

Jono_SS

[Lone_Wolf]

PP, that was you watching us at Raby Bay last Sunday hey?

(some of your finest work yet!)

[5cougarsthanx]

Just one word PRICELESS

[ibbo]

Especially if they are freshwater lice. Doing 20 knots past the ramp washing boats up onto trailers - thanks fellas no need to winch.

Take your fish to the cleaning table and their crew have a table cloth and sh*t all over it. Care factor 0% - Thanks again guys i will clean it at the waters edge.

A world of love

IBBO

[iank]

, We may all be having a laugh but how many times do we see it. That is one of the main reasons I only fish mid week.
Cheers Ian

[bonka]

Thanks for the laugh, that's great. You've covered it all as far as I can determine. Like the other reader, look forward to the retrieval tips.

[fastmantis]

Oh how i wish it all wasn't so true!!!!!

Mantis

[1975fflh]

You forgot to mention when you go to retrieve the boat some smartass has written in artline texta all over your windscreen and rear windows of the car what a F----ing idiot you are.

I am always polite as everyone see where you park the car and then leave on a boat, got plenty of time for payback.

[flatstrap]

TPP;
That's the most concentrated and funny boat launch humour I have read. Ever. Thank you for sharing your sense of humour.
ILMAO plus lots of rib cramps and tears of laughter...flatstrap

[gone_phishin]

You could easily make that "101 Tips....."

Just insert #. Crack open another tinny.

in between each of the other 50

Thanks PP, that's classy

[Phoenix]

This is the beauty of being a kayak owner.
1) Release roof rack strap
2) Remove kayak from roof rack
3) Place kayak on trolley
4) Easily wheel to water, away from people clearly getting impatient at the boat ramp
5) Place milk crate on rear & insert rods into holders
6) Don PFD's
7) Adjust sunglasses whilst collapasing trolley and storing in fore hatch of kayak
8) Paddle away from some people wanting a staring role in the next Anger Management movie...