Boat ramp entertainment

[choppa]

I've been there, backed my tinny down the ramp while my so called mate went across the road to buy bait. Got to waters edge unhooked boat then decided I wasn't quite down to the water far enough got back in car and reversed down another metre, applied brakes, turned car off, stuffed around for a minute ( ramp not busy ) got out, BOAT GONE , @#%&$*%# , boat out almost in the middle of the Tweed River. I'ts the middle of winter and I'm stripping down to my undies on the ramp beside a very busy road and I'm a big fat ugly bastard swims out to boat and after a hard time trying to get in the boat I come back into the ramp to pick up my so called mate who by this time had gathered every passerby,jogger,and dog walker that he could find and gave them all a running commentary on my misfortune. I told him to get in the boat and shut up and he informed the substantial crowd that he wasn't going anywhere with me in my undies crowd were shaking with laughter.

this brought back an old memory,,,, a bunch of mates and i were aboard a houseboat for a weeks fishing out of Tin Can Bay,,, we had a tinny tied on the side to do some exploring etc etc,,, on this particular morning,, i wake up to shouting from the back of the boat that the bite was "ON",,, crept out towards the commotion and noticed this "tinnie" floating past us about 20 metres away with no-one in it,,, it looked kinda familar,,, it clicked in to the wakening brain,, IT WAS OURS!!!,,,

what occured,,, one of the guys unhitched the mooring rope to the tinny as it was in the way of his line,,, (he was one of my mates mate,,,, honest)
when i sung out,, thats our %$^& tinny,,, they all looked at it,,,

i jumped in,, swam out to it,,, tore a tonne of skin of my leg trying to clamber into it,,(fibreglass tinnie),, started it up and headed back,,, i was a good 500-750 metres away by this time if not further,,,

jumped back on board,,, noticed it was just turning 8 ish,,, so i poured myself a nice breakfast and let the others worry about catching a feed for awhile,,,,,lol

[deckie]

Used to go fishing at night a lot with my best mate and chick magnet, Max the miniature schnauzer. He'd be fascinated all evening trying to work out where fish came from and would wait till you werent watching and steal the best of the bait. He was a cool boat dog till one day i had the boat back on the trailer late at night, noone ever around that time so never worried about driving right off the ramp to fit tie downs etc. Light wasnt the best and last i remember was checking out what i thought was a deep gouge in the hull underneath. Next i remember was flat on my back with the mother of all headaches, a real tender lump on the back of my head and the dog was gone. Out cold for no idea how long...could have been 2 seconds or 5 minutes i dont know. Rang the missus and she drove down the ramp, but felt batter and the dog turned up a few minutes later.

Then it slowly dawned on me that whilst i'd been buggerising around feeling this gouge in the hull the dog stuck its cold nose up my shorts from behind, must have hit my scone on the chine. Max had a real guilty look on his face and the missus had a good laugh and told me not to bother next time unless it was urgent.

[Seahorse]

I thought my original story was a laugh, but reading some of these, mine doesnt even come close.
I remember just after I bought jet ski, took it up to maroochy river.

Still new to me, I backed down ramp took off chain and bloody thing wouldnt move. I pushed, the missus was pushing, wouldnt budge.

another bloke was putting in beside me, I couldnt figure out why this bloody thing wouldnt slide off.

Then the penny dropped, better undo tie downs that went from ski to trailer.

See i never use them at clontarf ramp because only got to go 500m home.

good to see we can all laugh at ourselves.

happy new year

greg

[tunaticer]

I generally always offer a hand if i am in line waiting or just standing by. This clown i spoke of did not want assistance or advice and treated another guy that offered to help badly before i had a chance to offer so i sat back and watched the parody of common sense.

[tunaticer]

Ok, here is one that happened to me near on 30 yrs ago in CQ some little croc infested creek bush ramp. Took the tie downs off the boat connected the fuel and gave the donk a pull and it fired up. Great, no probs. Shut the motor down nearly straight away, loaded the fishing gear, started to reverse down the ramp and the car stalled, trailer needed to go a few feet more so i let it roll back that few feet then proceeded to try and start the car, no go. After 20 mins of trying to get the cantankerous shitbox to fire i look back at the boat and thought that's odd way its sitting. walked close and see its half full of water. Car can't drag it up cuz its not working, fine i thought, walk around the back and put the bungs in DUH!! and I will bail some out seeing the car is such a shitbox. walking down to the setern im in thigh deep water took another step and im treading water!! In a croc infested shitty creek of all places.
I reckon I launched about 12 feet vertically as soon as my head went under and somehow managed to try and leave my family jewels on the rear corner of the boat on exit of the creek. So here i am with a rooted car lying on my back in a flooded boat writhing in pain wondering if i will spew or cry or both and the mate comes over and asks if he can crack a tinny before we launch. The second beer tasted better than the first.

Once i regained my feet, I turned the key in the ignition on the car and the prick started straight away. I punched the bastard for being smart and broke two fingers. Last car i ever punched. These are the weekends we look forward to????? Kn oath they are!

[Jarrah Jack]

its cold nose up my shorts from behind, must have hit my scone on the chine.

Full size Schnautzers have been know to do worse............

[psychobob]

what gets me are the arrogant people who think they own the ramp or dont nedd to help others in serious trouble. storie no1. put in at cabbage tree creek and followed 2 other boats out the front. soon as we get out we see a boat in trouble, cover off engine smoke visible. heros in first 2 boats just go straight past, we stop and offer help and tow the poor guys back to the ramp and head back out for a couple of hours fishing. on arriving back at the ramp find one of the boats that went out infront of us trying to load without a winch handle and asked to borrow ours. told them i dont help people who dont help others.

story no2. again at cabbage tree creek last this week took the boat out to blow out a few cobwebs and returned to the ramp to pull out one side had a hobicat tied up to it so no good. on the other side this arrogant bloke with 2 kids unloads a 625 cruisecraft and ties the bow to the poontoon and allows the aft to swing out and block yhe whole side of the ramp. im waiting to tie up to go get my trailer and another guy and his missus is waiting to put in, both of us had to wait till said prick goes and parks his rig and then stuffs around for a couple of minutes then comes back and heads out. no sorry nothing just an arrogant ignorant prick setting a great example for the kids in the future.

[Sheik]

Bugger ifish, sounds like we need funniest ramp videos.

[Sheik]

..and why do they always put those pesky wooden poles just where u dont want them ?
Not so bad when you have duals but with a single donk its a nightmare till you've done it 50 times. Bastard to get used to dual binnacles just looking fwd...left in fwd, stbd rverse, ease the throttle on the left , or was it the right to turn stbd ? Then bring port to neutral, strb in rvse, ease throttle of port back, or should it be stbd...AAGHHH !!!!!!
Then like u say, try turning around at the helm and doing it all looking backwards not even looking at the controls, in a gusty wind and backing into no space...double AGHHH !!!! Takes years to get confident.
Then just when u think she's lined up, gun the throttles a bit and kind of hope for the best and make sure u stop short. Hopefully you've avoided the half mill of pristine f/glass next to you as well as the poles. Should have some sort of remote joystick thingy

You know, that sounds like trying to back a four wheel drive tractor towing an air seeder box, and then an airseeder behind that. So when you back you have to take into account the articulated joint in the middle of the tractor, then the air seeder box, then the actual 40 50 or 60 foot of airseeder. Man it gets complicated - now if I turn to the right and tractor turns left then the air seeder box turns right then the airseeder ...no the tractor turns RIGHT, then the airseeder box.. no, hang on... the tractor...no, I mean the airseeder...whats that $% noise coming out of the gearbox?... feck, left the hydraulics running while the bolt was still in the....

etc
etc
etc

[netmaker]

Ok, here is one that happened to me near on 30 yrs ago in CQ some little croc infested creek bush ramp. Took the tie downs off the boat connected the fuel and gave the donk a pull and it fired up. Great, no probs. Shut the motor down nearly straight away, loaded the fishing gear, started to reverse down the ramp and the car stalled, trailer needed to go a few feet more so i let it roll back that few feet then proceeded to try and start the car, no go. After 20 mins of trying to get the cantankerous shitbox to fire i look back at the boat and thought that's odd way its sitting. walked close and see its half full of water. Car can't drag it up cuz its not working, fine i thought, walk around the back and put the bungs in DUH!! and I will bail some out seeing the car is such a shitbox. walking down to the setern im in thigh deep water took another step and im treading water!! In a croc infested shitty creek of all places.
I reckon I launched about 12 feet vertically as soon as my head went under and somehow managed to try and leave my family jewels on the rear corner of the boat on exit of the creek. So here i am with a rooted car lying on my back in a flooded boat writhing in pain wondering if i will spew or cry or both and the mate comes over and asks if he can crack a tinny before we launch. The second beer tasted better than the first.

Once i regained my feet, I turned the key in the ignition on the car and the prick started straight away. I punched the bastard for being smart and broke two fingers. Last car i ever punched. These are the weekends we look forward to????? Kn oath they are!

LOL you totally win mate. what a tale of woe. break down, fill boat, fill pants, crush jewels and break 2 fingers all in 1 outing. if that aint action packed i dont know what is.
cheers

[Chimo]

Hey Sheik et al

Gotta luv being a cockie eh!

Happy New Year anyhow

Cheers
Chimo

[truth stretcher]

Not a ramp story but a good story anyway!

When I was a lot younger had a little 14ft tinny with a 25 me and a mate put it in at Dohles ramp mid week evening, only one other car and trailer at the ramp , and shot up the river to fish the other side of the highway bridge near the sunken barges.
Fishing was terrible, freezing cold, radio we were listening too died, we spent a fair few hours wetting bait then decided to head back to the ramp.

Cranks up the engine full noise under the bridge ...............bang (followed by the sound of an extremely over revved 2 stroke) we hit a floating tree and broke the prop, motor doing mickey flips me filling me undies , turned it off, to complete silence and the two of us just looking bewildered not a word said?

All of a sudden a voice from somewhere yells "are you guys alright" it was that dark we could'nt even tell were the voice came from .
"Nah mate we broken something" we yelled. So the boat from which the voice came starts up and motors out of the darkness , we both spin around to see where the boat is coming from waiting to catch a look at who this was.

When he comes in to sight about 10ft away its 2 blokes in balaclava's (remember its cold) I add another load to my already filled undies and my deckie does the same to his , they throw us a rope and we tie it to the front rail , we set off at less than walking pace . We sit up for a while but after a bit we end up lying down on the floor just cruising along after well over an hour and nowhere near Dohles ramp yet the boat in front stops.
We bob around for a few minutes then back on our way, shrug our shoulders and lye back down.

What seems like a couple of hours later we make it back to the ramp , the others guys help us load our boat up and were set to head home.
I says to this fella " hey mate what happened back there when we stopped" to which he replies
" Aw nothing mate just needed a break, my back was getting sore".

After a bit more conversation the whole truth unfolds.
Turns out old mate wasn't game to tie the rope pulling our boat to the back of his, he reckon's it would have pulled the old bonded wood thing apart ................
So he's towed my boat by wrapping the rope around his waist and tying it off behind his back ! One hand on the wheel and one on the knot behind his back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What an absolute legend . He wouldn't accept anything for helping and was all too happy too have been able to rescue us.
Since that day I have offered help to anyone who I reckon might need it and will continue to do so if they accept it or not.

Sorry about the long story but I giggle every time I recall the events of tha night.

[murf]

Once you do that once Dan the safety chain becomes god. Would love to see it on video though. Just don't try with the new boat

watch the clown award for the Fraser Island fishing classic a few years back

cheers Murf

[braders83]

Last year I upgraded my old 9.9 evinrude (70's model with a 15hp carby) and bought a brand spanking new yamaha 15hp 2 stroke off a local dealer. He ran through a few things like how to start it, fuel mix etc. So the next day I head to the local river, put in the boat and off I set.

Well F**k me the thing wouldn't start. It took me about 20-30 mins to start it. I thought gee I don't know maybe this is what's meant to happen when you run in a new motor or something. So now I am half way up the river, tide running like a bastard and finally it goes. I hoon around the river (careful not to go more than half throttle because that's what the guy at the shop said to do for the first 10 hours) and I cruise around, fished a bit. Anyway, it had trouble restarting - this thing just wouldn't go. I couldn't believe it. I was spewing!!! So a houseboat (one of those bbq boat things) sees me rowing back to the ramp (mind you I was about 2km upstream against the tide), feels sorry for me and gives me a tow back to the ramp. Real funny they thought. Well I was grateful for the tow - I was struggling rowing in low 30 degree heat. I get back to the ramp and one of my mates who lives across the road comes over (he owned a yamaha 15hp) and saw some poor prick rowing up the river - he laughs when he noticed it was me. So I said mate I can't believe it what's going on...then he shed some light on it.....

Apparently yamaha fuel tanks have a one way valve in the fuel line. Well well well - that explains a few things. The arrow points to the motor APPARENTLY. The bloke at the shop never told me that. Started first go and then haven't had trouble since. Well I had some egg on the face but couldn't be happier now.

Next time I might read the manual before I go balls in. But that would be un-man-like of me!!

[Freeeedom]

I pulled up at the ramp at Victoria Point after dark one night ready for an all-nighter at Peel. Don't know what the ramps are like there now, but at that time there was a single lane concrete ramp on the northern side which was quite long so that you could reach a reasonable depth of water to launch at low tide. Can't believe it when I see some pr*ck camped at the end of the ramp with rods, esky and folding chair. Anyway I think that he'll move to the side so that I can launch. Before I say anything at all, while I'm still rigging my boat, this tool starts yelling very aggressively at me that he's got as much right to use the ramp as I have! After that I forgot about being friendly and told him that if his gear was still in the middle of the ramp when my boat reached the end I would run over it. Was quite pleased to see him madly scrambling to get out of the way just in time. Takes all kinds!
Cheers Freeeedom