Ten Commandments of Fishing

[wayno60]

Ten Commandments of Fishing

• • • • Thou shalt have no other sports before fishing.
      • Thou shalt proudly boast of thy catch.
      • Thou shalt exaggerate wildly about the one that got away.
      • Thou shalt not sleep past dawn.
      • Thou shalt clean thy own catch.
      • Thou shalt not give away the secret of success.
      • Thou shalt honor the ones too smart to be caught.
      • Thou shalt practice the sport as often as possible.
      • Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's net.
      • Thou shalt give thanks to God, creator of all nature, for the
        catch of the day. Author Unknown.

[charleville]

I'm sure that someone can come up with a better lot than that sad offering.



.

[charleville]

In the absence of any other contributions on this topic, I have just come down from the mount carrying tablets of polystyrene on which these were written ...



1. Thou shalt not catch any fish on combos bought from K-mart for under fifty dollars, nor with Aldi line. It makes the rest of us look like buffoons.


2. Thou shalt not foul the boat. If thou art not tall enough, nor otherwise well equipped to relieve thyself over the side of thy mate’s boat without yellowing the gunwale, use a bucket. Preferably not the one that the fish are put into.


3. Thou shalt not boast about past catches without photographic proof. NB that Photoshop is not considered as an acceptable part of thine inventory of fishing equipment. One boast only allowed on any one fishing trip.


4. Thou shalt refrain from answering the question, “What is the colour of thy lure?” with any response that is not red, blue, green or any colour that may be found on an artists colour wheel. “Nuclear Chicken” is NOT a colour.


5. Thou shalt not include undersized fish in any count of fishes caught lest thou might receive a bag full of guppies in the kisser in response. By definition, “fish caught” are legal sized fish only.


6. Thou shalt not engage in any discussion with thine neighbour involving the word “Etec” unless thou either has too much time on thy hands or cannot get to a pub to turn a glass upside down on the bar.


7. Thou shalt not motor around the ‘Pin at night with any form of spotlight in thy boat lest it leads to an increase in thy collection of large sinkers thoughtfully donated from anchored boats quietly fishing amongst the mangroves for bream.


8. Thou shalt not drone on all night about how cold it is. Fishing is a sensual experience - if thou does not have the sense to bring warm clothing and a flask of hot soup, received sympathy will not be part of the experience.


9. Thou shalt not moan on and on for hours about politics, nor get aerated about said subject on any online fishing website. Remember that fishing is the pastime that is supposed to take ye away from all of that tedious crap and give ye a life. The world already has enough victims.


10. Thou shalt not complain when bitten on the lip by a panicking fish if thou art stupid enough to kiss said fish before throwing it back. Thou shoudst expect to receive similar or more vigorous response if thou kisses anyone else on the boat. Especially mine.







.

[Lovey80]

Classic Charlie, one of your best.

There needs to be one reference Bananas just to keep the superstision alive.

[Defore]

Classic Charlie, one of your best.

There needs to be one reference Bananas just to keep the superstision alive.

He did mention yellowing of the gunwale, in commandment 2. If you are not tall enough to hang your banana over the side then drop it in the bucket.

Ian

[TimiBoy]

Loving all bar number 9.



Cheers,

Tim

[Nic]

Those are great. I could never adhere to no. 4 though. (Purple Ghost Ayu Wakasagi Bluegill, anyone?)

My addition is: Thou shalt not nap in a new cabin without changing thine slime-soaked fishing shirt, lest the skipper cleft thou in twain.

[odes20]

Written on the fleshy tables of my heart.

1. Thou shalt never take more than one greenhorn fishing at any time. Surely thou knowest how angry and tired you will be on return to thy dwelling buggered from doing all chores!

2. Thou shalt not stop fishing to dive thy paws into thy lunch box, for thou knowest that at such a time, evil dragons that dwell in the depths shall smash thy rod and thy staff to chaff.

3. Thou shalt not as skipper forbid farting on the vessel, as thou knowest full well that the winds of the sea shall disperse same in a manner much faster than the flapping of sheets in thy closet.

4. Thou shall always offer to pull anchor and appear willing even if in your heart you are a lazy sleepy nob.

5. Thou shalt recieve and accept advice from thy experienced mentors of piscatorial pusuit. Failure to do so will see the wife of thy youth continue to declare that you are a fishing jinx from an unnamed people group.

6. If thou approachest my boat to steal my marks , thou shalt surely die.

7. Thou shalt rejoice in the pillaging successes of thy fishing buddies and not stay away sulking, knowing full well that if thou sulks thy catches of mother in law and toadfish will curse thee forever.

8. If thou throwest back a Reef Jack while foolishly thinking it is a red bass, you shalt sit on thy bum for times, time and a half with Grants book of Fishes as thy Bible, till thou learnest thy lore.

9. Thou shalt buy a GPS, that thou never neadeth to ask others "where am I " and be known by all in thy generation as a complete cave dweller.

10. Thou shalt know in your heart that to start spewing up your tail bone 45 kms offshore shall not invoke the mercy of the skipper unto returning thee to yon safe haven at shore. Thou shalt wallow in thine own mire and bile till such times as the pleasure of all said skipper and crew be exhausted.