Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

[imported_admin]

Tony, it was borderline so I took it off at the same time. Don't want to have a kid ask his parents to explain a joke on the chat boards.

To ALL - Please all remember that anyone of any age has access to the chat boards. We do not want parents banning their children from visiting a fishing site simply because one or two people put up pictures or other info that is not appropriate.

[agnes_jack]

Sorry Steve

[zedjack33]

I'm sorry also Steve [smiley=oops.gif] [smiley=stupid.gif] [smiley=angel.gif] [smiley=hammer.gif]

[agnes_jack]

# # # # # # # #Tony

[snappa]

steve
[smiley=oops.gif]
the joke was ok #you think
pic was a bit sus # i guess
never again
i should have know better

[jaybee]

When you feel that nobody loves you,

Nobody cares for you,

And everyone is ignoring you,


You should start asking yourself...



wait for it!


Am I TOO sexy?

[jaybee]

The elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest, said, "It was a
good idea you had to replace the first four pews with plush bucket
theater seats. It worked like a charm. The front of the church fills first".
The young priest nodded, and the old priest continued, "And
you told me a little more beat to the music would bring young people
back to church, so I suppose the rock 'n roll gospel choir you brought
in was another good idea. We are packed in to the balcony."
"Thank you, Father," answered the young priest. "I am pleased
that you are open to the new ideas of youth."
"Well," said the elderly priest, "I'm afraid you've gone too
far with the drive-thru confessional."
"But, Father," protested the young priest, "my confessions
have nearly doubled since I began that!"
"I know, son," replied the elderly priest, "but the flashing neon sign, 'Toot n' Tell or Go To Hell' cannot stay on the church roof!"

[jaybee]

Gee i think i said something about the way the jokes were going back on page 9, but you get that. damn sure i wouldnt want my 14 year old reading some of them, but then i can be a prude i'm told we are all entitled to our opinions.

If you thought you were having problems, read on.

A little guy is sitting at the bar just, staring at his drink,
for half an hour when this big trouble-making truck driver steps
next to him, grabs his drink, and gulps it down in one swig. The
poor little guy starts crying "Come on man, I was just giving you
a hard time," says the truck driver. "I'll buy you another drink.
I just can't stand to see a man crying." "This is the worst day of
my life," says the little guy between sobs." I can't do anything
right I overslept and was late to an important meeting, so my boss
fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car was
stolen and I have no insurance. I grabbed a cab home but, after
the cab left, I discovered my wallet was still in the cab. At home
I found my wife in bed with the gardener. So I came to this bar
trying to work up the courage to put an end to my miserable life,
and then you show up and drink the damn poison."

******HANGING BASKETS********

A teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with a
see through blouse on and no bra. Her grandmother just pitched a
fit, telling her not to dare go out like that!
The teenager tells her "Loosen up Grams. These are modern
times. You got let your rosebuds show!" and out she goes.
The next day the teenager comes downstairs, and the grandmother
is sitting here with no top on. The teenager wants to die. She
explains to her grandmother that she has friends coming over and
that it is just not appropriate...
The grandmother says, "Loosen up, Sweet. If you can show off
your rosebuds, then I can display my hanging baskets."

[jaybee]

True Story

What's in a name?


The famous Olympic skier Picabo (pronounced Peek-A-Boo) is not just an athlete, she is a nurse. She currently works in the Intensive Care Unit of large metropolitan hospital. She is not permitted to answer the telephone while she is at work, however. It simply caused too much confusion when she would answer the phone and say:
"Picabo, ICU"

[fishy_phil]

gday people
there are two queenslanders on a hunting holiday in canada sitting in their hotel room and they decided to go hunting bears. on their way to the game reserve there was a Y intersection that read 'BEAR LEFT' so they turned around and went back to the hotel!!!
cheers
phil

[Black_Rat]

How do Kiwies find sheep in LONG grass ............????
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Delightful !

[imnotoriginal]

No, the answer is Maaaaaarvellous
Joel

[babbs]

Bob has had Lorraine as his girlfreind for a long time. Then one day he meets a beautiful girl named Clearly and the attraction between them is instant. Bob feels he can't dump his long time girlfriend so does nothing about it. One fine weekend Bob took Lorraine fishing in his boat but she fell overboard and drowned. Next day Bob was heard singing. I can see Clearly now Lorraine has gone.

[DR]

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington
engineering mid-term to a senior student.

Bonus Question:

Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic(absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law,(gas
cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some
variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need
to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are
leaving.

I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not
leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, lets look at the different
religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that
if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there
are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more
than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in
Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's
Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay
the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter
Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell
breaks loose.

2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of
souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell
freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Teresa Banyan during my
Freshman year, that "... it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with
you.", and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in
having sexual relations with her, then, #2 cannot be true.

Thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze."

The student received the only "A" given.

[basserman]

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car. Both could barely See
over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an
intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman
in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing it. I could have
sworn we just went through red light." After a few more minutes they came to
another intersection, the light Was red, and again they went right through.
This time, the passenger was almost sure that the light had been red, But
was also concerned that she might be seeing things. She was getting nervous
and decided to pay very close attention. At the next intersection, sure
enough, the light was definitely red and they blew right through it. She
turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know that You ran
through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us!" Mildred turned
to her and said, "Oh Crist! Am I driving?"