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Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated
I couldn't help but laugh
I couldn't help but laugh
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Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated
That’s a pisserOriginally posted by RayLamp View Post
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Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated
A priest, rabbit and a minister walk into a bar. The barmaid asks the rabbit "What'll ya have?"
The rabbit says " I dunno, I'm only here because of autocorrect!"Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated
Chairman Dan of the People's Republic of Victoria.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated
This object was pulled up from the deep the other day, anyone know its owner?
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Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated
yeahs thats mobys d***Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated
U got the wife on the boat and u pull up that LOL she would be speachless hahaOriginally posted by catshark View Post
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Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated
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Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated
Ahh i get it haha "the wife says go fix the leaking tap" (the boat)Originally posted by 552Evo View Post
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Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated
This is one I stole from the Gladstone Fishing Network f/b page.
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Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated
Students at a local school were assigned to read 2 books, ‘Titanic’ and ‘My Life’ by Bill Clinton.
One student turned in the following book report, with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories!
His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report.
Titanic: Cost – $29.99
Clinton : Cost – $29.99
Titanic: Over 3 hours to read
Clinton : Over 3 hours to read
Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton : The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe
Titanic: Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton : Bill is a bullshit artist.
Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton : Ditto for Bill
Titanic: During the ordeal, Rose’s dress gets ruined.
Clinton : Ditto for Monica.
Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton : Let’s not go there.
Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewellery.
Clinton : Monica is forced to return her gifts.
Titanic: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton : Clinton doesn’t remember anything.
Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full of Seamen.
Clinton : Monica.. Ooh, let’s not go there, either.
Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton : Bill goes home to Hillary – basically the same thingComment
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Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated
Gotta say monica was quiet an upgrade to hillery, she must have had billy boys heart pumping thats for sure
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Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated
Gotta say that this one is a true story.
Not my punchline but I was happy to use it.
Was on a bus in Los Angeles in the tourist zone sitting behind two men who turned out to be an Englishman and a New Zealander.
Kiwi (South Pacific Pom) asked Englishman if he knew who won the All Blacks vs Aussie rugby union test.
Englishman (real Pom) replied " New Zealand of course".
Real Pom to Kiwi (South Pacific Pom) " where are u from"?
Kiwi " New Zealand".
Pom "Of course. For a moment there I thought you were one of those horrible " OORSTRALIANS".
Kiwi " I don't like them either".
I was a bit 'pissed off" by this stage probably mainly 'cos we lost the RU Test but with these 2 guys also by the comments.
I sat there trying to work out what to say (if anything).
Bus pulled up for our stop before the 2 guys stop.
As I stood up to exit the bus, I leaned over and the conversation went along these lines:
Me. "I'm one of those "horrible Ooorstalians" and I accept that its my fault for not assuring that I would not be seated near a Pom and a South Pacific Pom".
Embarrassed looks from both and a muttered "sorry" from both.
Me " Don't apologise. Both of you are entitled to an opinion. As I am".
Me (to the Pom) " I suppose that you've heard the oft-quoted statement that the sun NEVER sets on the British Empire? Do you know why?"
Pom " Yes. Its because the British Empire extends all the way around the world and that somewhere the sun is always shining on a part of the british empire".
Me " Nope. Nothing to do with that. The real reason is that not even God would trust a Pommie in the dark".
Me to the kiwi " You should emigrate to England. You'd fit in well there".
Then I got off before these guys had worked out if they were angry or not.
Wish I had thought of that comeback but it it belonged to somebody else.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated
Batman the sly devil
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Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated
Haha victorians
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