Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

[groverwa]

It was my first time ever

And I'll never forget

I'd do it again

Without a single regret.

The sky was dark

The moon was high

We were all alone

Just she and I.

Her hair was soft

Her eyes were blue

I knew just what

She wanted to do.

Her skin so soft

Her legs so fine

I ran my fingers

Down her spine.

I didn't know how

But I tried my best

I started by placing

My hands on her breast.

I remember my fear

My fast beating heart

But slowly she spread

Her legs apart.

And when I did it I felt no shame

All at once

The white stuff came.

At last it's finished

It's all over now

My first time ever





















At milking a cow...

[oldboot]

keeping with the season.

What do you call an angry rabbit.

That is angry because his new airconditioner has just failed in a heat wave.

,
,
,
,
,
,
,
,

A

HOT

CROSS

BUNNY



cheers

[Brogsy]

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is Politics?"
His Dad says, ' Well son, let me try to explain it this way:
I am the head of the family, so call me the Prime Minister. Your mother is the Administrator of the money so we call her the government. We are here to take care of your needs so we will call you the people. The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we will call him the Future. Now think about that and see if it makes sense.

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severly soiled his nappy.

So the little boy goes to his parents room and finds his mother asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning the little boy say's to his father, 'Dad i think i know what politics is all about'. The father says, 'Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.'

The little boy reply's 'The Prime Minister is screwing the working class while the government is sound asleep. The people are being ignored and the future is in deep shit.'

[groverwa]

Alzheimer's Test for Modern Seniors

You have 5 seconds only to guess these words.

1. F_ _K
2. PU_S_
3. S_X
4. P_N_S
5. BOO_S
6. _ _NDOM

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Answers:

1. FORK
2. PULSE
3. SIX
4. PANTS
5. BOOKS
6. RANDOM

You got all 6 wrong....didn't you?
Have a nice day

[GES]

THE FATE OF A GREENIE

A woman who was a tree hugger purchased a piece of timberland near Collie in WA .

There was a large tree on one of the highest points on the tract of land. She wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land, so she started to climb the big tree.
As she neared the top she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch.

In considerable pain, she hurried to local Hospital's Emergency Room to see a doctor. She told him she was an environmentalist, and explained how she came to get all the splinters.
The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go and wait in the examining room and he would see if he could help her.

She sat and waited three hours before the doctor reappeared.

The angry woman demanded,"What took you so long?"
He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the State Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a "recreational area" which is so close to a waste treatment facility. I'm sorry, but due to Bob Brown and his Green Party policies, they turned me down!!"

GES

[Chimo]

My girlfriend thinks that I’m a stalker.
Well, she’s not exactly my girlfriend yet.

[mowerman]

Psychiarist vs. Bartender Ever since I was a child, I’ve always had a fear of someone under my bed at night. So I went to a psychiatrist and told him, “I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.”
“Just put yourself in my hands for one year,” said the psychiatrist. “Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.”
“How much do you charge?” “Eighty pounds per visit,” replied the doctor. “I'll sleep on it,” I said.
Six months later the psychiatrist met me on the street. “Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?” he asked.
“Well, Eighty quid a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for £10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup!”
“Is that so!” he said with a bit of an attitude. “And how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?”
“He told me to cut the legs off the bed! - Ain't nobody under there now!!!”
DUMP THOSE PSYCHIATRISTS. GO HAVE A DRINK AND TALK TO YOUR BARTENDER.
.

[Chimo]

Did you hear about the fat alcoholic transvestite?

All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary.

[Chimo]

The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum
cleaner.

Talk about Dyson with death.

[Chimo]

THE BOTTLE OF WINE

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.

As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride.

With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.

Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman.

The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.

'What in bag?' asked the old woman.

Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, 'It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.'

The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two.

Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said:

'Good trade'

[mitchdemeanor]

Five secrets of a perfect relationship:-

1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks, cleans and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.

3. It's important to have a woman you can trust and who would never lie

4. It's important to have a woman who's good in bed

5. It's absolutely vital that these four women don't know each other

[Chimo]

An old married couple was at home watching TV. The husband had the remote and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel.
The wife became more and more annoyed and finally said: "For God's sake! Leave it on the porn channel. You already know how to fish!"

[Chimo]

Q: Have you heard about the brand new version of Playboy magazine exclusively for married men?
A: The centerfold is the same every month

[Richard]

The Osama jokes have already started

[greenie61]

Anyone relate to this.........


Man sitting at home on the verandah with his wife and he says, "I love you."
She asks, "Is that you or the beer talkin?"
He replies, "It's me............. talkin to the beer."