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First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they
carried us.
They took aspirin, ate tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.
Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright coloured lead-based paints.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.
As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.
We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle. We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.
We ate white bread and real butter, but we weren't overweight because WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back
when the streetlights came on.
No mobile phones, no one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.
We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down
the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.
We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound, no mobiles no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms.........
WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!
We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.
We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.
We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.
We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!
This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever! The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned
HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!
You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as
kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our own good.
And while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were.
Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?!
A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls,and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde.
The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.
Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls."
Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him thoughtfully and finally, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, asked "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"
There is not a woman alive today who won't crack up over this.........
I was due for an appointment with the gynaecologist later in the week.
Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell
me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am. I had only
just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around
8:45 am.
The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time
to spare. As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over
hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be
able to make the full effort.
So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pyjamas, wet the washcloth that was
sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in "that area" to
make sure I was at least presentable. I threw the washcloth in the
clothes basket,
donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment.
I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in.
Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table,
looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in
Paris or some other place a million miles away. I was a little surprised
when the doctor said, "My, we have made an extra effort this morning,
haven't we ?". I didn't respond.
After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home.
The rest of the day was normal some shopping, cleaning, cooking,
etc.
After school when my 6 year old daughter was playing, she called out
from the bathroom, "Mummy, where's my washcloth?" I told her to get
another one from the cupboard. She replied, "No, I need the one that
was here by the sink, it had all my glitter and sparkles saved inside
it."
Reasons why men might have 2 dogs but not 2 wives:
1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
2. Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
3. If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.
4. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
5. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
6. A dog's parents never visit.
7. Dogs do not hate their bodies.
8. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get a point across.
9. Dogs like to do their snooping outside rather than in your wallet or your desk.
10. Dogs seldom outlive you.
11. Dogs can't talk.
12. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.
13. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.
14. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
15. Another man will seldom steal your dog.
16. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"
17. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.
18. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.
19. A dog won't hold out on you to get a new car.
20. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.
21. On a car trip, your dog never insists on running the heater.
22. Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives.
23. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pick-up truck.
24. Dogs are not allowed in David Jones or Myers.
A male whale swims around a female whale.
And complains:
- Dozens of eco organizations, hundreds of activists, thousands of politicians and scientists, hundreds of thousands people on demonstrations, governments of most countries...All of them are doing everything possible to preserve our species... And YOU!!!! You have a headache......?
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING DUTCH
1. You can get arrested for growing plants, but not for smoking them.
2. You can make jokes about the Belgians and still drink their beer.
3. You're exactly like the Germans, except that nobody hates you.
4. You think you are a world power, but everyone else thinks Copenhagen is your capital.
5. You get to insult people and defend yourself by saying it's a national tradition.
6. You can put your finger in a dyke and it will save your country.
7. . You can legally kill yourself - You can legally be killed.
8. You live in the most densely populated country in Europe, and still you've never seen your neighbours.
9. If the economy is bad, blame the Germans. If a war is started, blame the Germans. If you lose your keys, blame the Germans.
10. Bikes are public property. Locks are a challenge.
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING FRENCH:
1. When speaking fast you can make yourself sound gay
2. Experience the joy of winning the World Cup for the first time
3. You get to eat food like snails and frog's legs
4. If there's a war you can surrender really early
5. You don't have to read the subtitles on those late night films on Channel 4.
6. You can test your own nuclear weapons in other people's countries (Well who hasn't eh?)
7. You can be ugly and still become a famous film star
8. Allow Germans to march up and down your most famous street humiliating your sense of national pride
9. You don't have to bother with toilets, just shit in the street
10. People think you're a great lover even when you're not
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING AMERICAN :
1. You can have a woman president without electing her
2. You can spell colour wrong and get away with it
3. You can call Budweiser beer
4. You can be a crook and still be president
5. If you've got enough money you can get elected to do anything
6. If you can breathe you can get a gun
7. You get to join wars late
8. You can play golf in the most hideous clothes ever made and nobody seems to care.
9. You get to call everyone you've never met "buddy"
10. You can think you're the greatest nation on earth -When you're not - At all!
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING NORWEGIAN:
1. You get to pay the highest taxes in the world
2. You can kill baby seals and eat Rudolf the Reindeer
3. You live in total freezing darkness half the year and get 24 hour ozone-hole radiation the other half
4. You can get capital punishment for smoking dope
5. You can go skiing in your knickers
6. You get to hate the Swedes and beat the Brazilians in football
7. You have to be a woman to get anywhere
8. You don't need to worry about land prices rocketing – it’s fairly spacious
9. When abroad you can impress people you meet with stories about killing polar bears and sex acts with penguins - and they believe you
10. You can actually get bored with blondes
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ENGLISH :
1. Two World Wars and One World Cup-doo-dah, doo-dah
2. Proper beer
3. You get to confuse everyone with the rules of cricket
4. You get to accept defeat graciously in major sporting events
5. Union jack underpants
6. Water shortages guaranteed every single summer
7. You can live in the past and imagine you are still a world power.
8. Bathing once a week - whether you need to or not
9. Ditto changing underwear
10. Beats being Welsh.
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING SCOTTISH :
1. You ain't English!
2. You ain't English!
3. You ain't English!
4. You ain't English!
5. You ain't English!
6. You ain't English!
7. You ain't English!
8. You ain't English!
9. You ain't English!
10 You ain't English!
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ITALIAN :
1. In-depth knowledge of bizarre pasta shapes
2. Unembarrassed to wear fur.
3. No need to worry about tax returns
4. Glorious military history prior to 400 b.c.
5. Can wear sunglasses inside
6. Political stability?
7. Flexible working hours
8. Live near the Pope
9. Can spend hours braiding girlfriend's armpit hair
10. Country run by Sicilian murderers
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING SPANISH :
1. Glorious history of killing South American tribes
2. The rest of Europe thinks Africa begins at the Pyrenees
3. You get your beaches invaded by Germans, Danes, Brits, etc.
4. The rest of your country is already invaded by Moroccans
5. Everybody else makes crap paella and claims it's the real thing
6. Honesty
7. Only sure way of bedding a woman is to dress up in stupid, tight clothes and risk your life in front of bulls
8. You get to eat bulls' testicles
9. Gibraltar
10. Supported Argentina in Falklands War.
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING INDIAN :
1. Chicken Madras
2. Lamb Passanda
3. Onion Bhaji
4. Bombay Potato
5. Chicken Tikka Masala
6. Rogan Josh
7. Popadoms
8. Chicken Dopiaza
9. Meat Boona
10. Kingfisher lager
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING WELSH:
1. You've got to be joking?
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING IRISH :
1. Guinness
2. 18 children because you can't use contraceptives
3. You can get into a fight just by marching down someone's road
4. Pubs never close
5. Can use Papal edicts on contraception passed in second Vatican Council of 1968 to persuade your girlfriend that you can't have sex with a condom on.
6. No one can ever remember the night before
7. Kill people you don't agree with
8. Stew
9. More Guinness
10. Eating stew and drinking Guinness in an Irish pub at 3 in the morning after a bout of sectarian violence.
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING CANADIAN :
1. It beats being an American.
2. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.
3. You can play ice hockey 12 months a year, outdoors.
4. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.
5. Where else can you travel 1000 miles over fresh water in a canoe?
6. A political leader can admit to smoking pot and his/her popularity ratings will rise.
7. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.
8. Kill Grizzly bears with huge f****** shotguns and cover your house in their skins
9. Own-an-Eskimo scheme.
10. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING AUSTRALIAN:
1. Know your great grandfather was a murdering bar steward that no civilised nation on earth wanted.
2. XXXX
3. Dispossess Aborigines who have lived in your country for 40,000 years because you think it belongs to you.
4. Cricket captain not afraid to cry live on TV.
5. Tact and sensitivity. NOT!
6. Bondi Beach.
7. Other beaches.
8. Liberated attitude to homosexuals
9. Drinking cold lager on the beach
10. Having a bit of a swim and then drink some cold lager on the beach.
TOP TEN REASONS TO BE A GERMAN:
1. You do not WANT to go to the Oktoberfest, you know it is sh*t
2. Cheap fantastic beer
3. Behave like you want, everybody hates you anyway
4. Expensive fantastic cars
5. Unlimited Autobahn
6. Who else lost two world wars??
7. Who else in europe won three world cups :-) :-) :-) ??
8. You can buy all neighbour countries...
9. But you are not stupid, you rent them in the summer
10. See number 2+4+5 = BIG FUN
It was Autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their
new chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild.
Since he was an Indian chief in a modern society, he had never been
taught the old secrets and when he looked at the sky, he couldn't
tell what the weather was going to be. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side,
he replied to his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and
that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared.
But being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea.
He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and
asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?"
"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed," the
meteorologist at the weather service responded.
So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even
more wood in order to be prepared.
One week later he called the National Weather Service again.
"Is it going to be a very cold winter?" He asked.
"Yes," the man at the National Weather Service again replied, "It's
going to be a very cold winter."
The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect
every scrap of wood they could find.
Two weeks later he called the National Weather Service again. "Are
you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"
"Absolutely," the man replied. It looks like it's going to be one of
the coldest winters ever."
"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.
The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy."
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