PHP Warning: Use of undefined constant VBA_SCRIPT - assumed 'VBA_SCRIPT' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in ..../includes/functions_navigation.php(802) : eval()'d code on line 1 Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated - Page 13
An Irishman goes to the Doctor with botty problems....
"Dactor, it's me ahrse. I'd loik ya ta teyhk a look, if ya woot".
So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look.
"Incredible" he says, "there is a £20 note lodged up here."
Tentatively he eases the twenty out of the man's arse, and then a
£10 note appears.
"This is amazing!" exclaims the Doctor. "What do you want me to do?"
"Well fur gadness sake teyhk it out, man!" shrieks the patient.
The doctor pulls out the tenner and another twenty appears, and
Another and another and another, etc....
Finally the last note comes out and no more appear.
"Ah Dactor, tank ya koindly, dat's moch batter, how moch is dare den?"
The Doctor counts the pile of cash. "£1,990 exactly."
Wait for it............) (scroll down page .)
"Ah, dat'd be roit. I knew I wasn't feeling two grand."
A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Unbeknownst to her, her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet. The boy now has company.
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball."
Man: "That's nice."
Boy: "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My dad's outside."
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "$250."
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together.
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball glove."
Man: "How much?"
Boy: "$750."
Man: "Fine."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball."
The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
The son says, "$1,000."
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."
They go to church and the father alerts the priest, and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that sh1t again"
: Alligator Shoes
>> >
>> >
>> >>A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted
>> a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very
>> reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
>> >>
>> >> After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one
>> of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and
>> catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"
>> >>
>> >> The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck
>> out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and
>> headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.
>> >>
>> >> Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted
>> the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just
>> >> then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She
>> >> took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled
>> it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead
>> >> creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement. Just then the blonde
>> >> flipped the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn
>> it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"
one night a man was sitting at home when the doorbell rang.
he went out and answered the door, a police man asked him if he put in a missing persons thingyo about his aunt. the man said that yes he had.
the officer said of i have some bad news, some terrible news, some good news and some great news.
the man asked well give it to me in that order.
the officer said.
the bad news is, we found your aunt. the man askes "well whats the terrible news"?
the terrible news is, that she was on the bottom of the river with cement blocks tied to her limbs. the man askes "well that is terrible but whats the good news"?
the good news is, that when we pulled her out she had 7 big mud crabs attached to her the man askes "well that is good whats the great news"?
the officer said well the great news is we are pulling her out again tommorow
One of the staff left the shop today so I was reminded of the story of the slave galley plying the Aegean sea, many centuries ago.
A new comer is chained next to an old man on a slave galley.
The old man grasps his chest moans and drops dead over the oar.
The young newcomer timidly says " excuse me Mr Slave Master but I think this man is dead"
The slave master come down and checks "Yes He's dead" he roars and heaves the body over the side.
With that done he takes his whip and begins beating every slave in the boat, when he is finished all the slaves lie on their backs and urinate into the air, then every one resumes rowing.
The newcomer is stunned and shocked by the behavior but after a while get the courage to ask one of the older slaves "What just happened?"
The older slave replied "Oh, it's a tradition we have here, when ever anyone leaves the boat we have a whip round and a piss up!"
A friend of mine is looking for a good home for a puppy she found in a
park in West Footscray. It's likely that this dog has had a troubled
past, but it's a good dog. A photo is attached. Let me know if you think
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